1. There’s an old rule that states “Never trust a skinny chef.” – Ummmm, nuff said.  Bulimia is not attractive. The only other skinny cook on FoodTV is Sandra Lee, and I think “Aunt Sandy” needs to be sent back to cooking school, with her coctail ingredients safely packed away somewhere else. (Or simply be stoned out of the studio. Perhaps we should just put them both in a room with Tony Bourdain and Mario Batali for a few hours. That should solve the problem.)
2. Is Giada human, or an animatronic bobblehead?  (One theory suggests she’s a time-traveling chef from the distant future.)
   
3. Her makeup costs more per episode than the house she rents for three months out of the year. (I wonder where the family that lives there goes for those three months?)
   
4. If I hear “…it adds that perfect little crunch…” (with emphasis on making sure that the “ch” in crunch sounds a lot more like “sh”) One… More… Friggin’… Time… I’m going to hurl.
5. I can’t stand the fact that she compares absolutely everything she tastes to Italian food! Today’s case in point, prosciutto wrapped carrots with basil. It sounded good to me until she called them “Italian Spring Rolls”. Whoops! Lost interest. Then of course there was the chicken fried steak incident… I can’t finish, it’s too painful
   
6. I really don’t care how well endowed Giada or her wardrobe people think she is. I absolutely don’t think it’s necessary to forcefully have her cleavage displayed in each and every closeup.
7. Is there a reason that the only time Giada has any trace of an Italian accent it’s when she uses Italian Cooking Terms (i.e. Spaghetti, mozzarella, pancetta and oregano. Funny thing is, she doesn’t have any accent at all when she says Parmesan…) It’s just annoying, Does anyone honestly expect us to believe that the only traces of her accent that aren’t strictly 90210 have to do with food?!?
8. She never has anything but a perfect manicure. What happens if she nicks a nail with one of her vast array of different (hence unfamiliar) knives, which we must assume are all razor sharp? Do they stop production while she runs down and has a new fill done?
9. Her description of food flavors seems to have come out of a book written by a Klingon chef. I use Italian parsley regularly, but I’ve never found it to be “lemony” in the slightest. And why is every cheese she loves “buttery” or “buttery and salty”? Don’t the Italians produce a cheese that’s cheesy? I mean really, God forbid she use a California cheese and not compare it to something from Sicily.
10. That absolutely plastic smile of hers bears great resemblance to the Barbie doll at the end of Toy Story II. (…”Are they gone? Are they all gone? Okay. Can I stop smiling now? Oh good, my face hurts…  I think I need to take a break!”…)
11. “Crust” is not the proper description for the surface of every food ever made.
12. I don’t know about you,but I can’t believe something is “the best thing” she’s ever tasted on every episode.  you’d think sooner or later that one or two things would be “nearly the best” thing she’s ever tasted.
13. I’ve read that she comes across as “down to earth” and “grounded”, but for my money she comes across as though she feel she is at least slightly more important than the people around her.  I though I was going to scream when I heard her tell JAG (a contestant on the current Food Network Star) that if he had any demons left over from serving in the Marine Corps, he needed to face them!  I’m sorry, I haven’t seen Giada’s psychotherapy degree.  I also haven’t seen any active duty discharge papers.  If you haven’t been there, you cannot possibly understand, and the comment was out of line.

If you’re a Giada fan, I’m sure you’re not too happy with me right now, but these are only my opinions.  You are free to watch Ms. DeLaurntis on the Food Network if you choose.  As for my wife and myself, we just switch to Fine Living or HGTV for the space of her show.Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

• Leave your comments and you’ll automagically add you to the “Thank you” list. Thanks to Nancy for pointing out the plugin to me!

1. Some people like to paint pictures, or do gardening, or build a boat
   in the basement. Other people get a tremendous pleasure out of the
   kitchen, because cooking is just as creative and imaginative as drawing,
   or wood carving, or music.
2. The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got
   to have a what-the-hell attitude.
3. Too much trouble,’ ‘Too expensive,’ or ‘Who will know the difference’ are death knells for good food. … Cooking is not a particularly difficult art, and the more you cook and learn about cooking, the more sense it makes.
4. I have trouble with toast. Toast is very difficult. You have to watch
   it all the time or it burns up.
5. Train yourself to use your hands and fingers; they are wonderful instruments. Train yourself also to handle hot foods; this will save time. Keep your knives sharp. … Above all, have a good time.
6. It is the Americans who have managed to crown minced beef as
   hamburger, and to send it around the world so that even the fussy
   French have taken to le boeuf haché, le hambourgaire.
7. I would much rather swoon over a few thin slices of prime beefsteak,
   or one small serving of chocolate, or a sliver of foie gras than to indulge
   to the full on such nonentities as fat-free gelatin puddings
8. The pleasures of the table — that lovely old-fashioned phrase — depict food as an art form, as a delightful part of civilized life. In spite of food fads, fitness programs, and health concerns, we must never lose sight of a beautifully conceived meal.
9. The egg, that perfect, pristine, primal object – we may not gobble it up as profusely now as we used to, but every mouthful should be memorable…
10. An imaginary shelf labeled INDULGENCES is a good idea. It contains…French butter-cream fillings, gooey chocolate cakes, and all those lovely items that demand disciplined rationing… They are for special occasions,
    and when that occasion comes we can enjoy every mouthful.
11. Wine is essential with anything! Particularly omelettes for lunch.
12. While attitudes about food have changed through these last years, fortunately the principles of good cooking have not. The more one
    knows about it, the less mystery there is, the faster cooking becomes,
    and the easier it is to be creative and to embrace new trends and ideas –
    in addition, the more pleasure one has in the kitchen.
13. The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook

By the way, #13 is my personal favorite.Eat, drink and be merry!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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1. Never use water unless you have to! I’m going to use vermouth!
   Julia Child
   
2. The only thing that counts is if you know how to prepare your ingredients. Even if with the best and freshest ingredients in the world, if your dish is tasteless or burnt, it’s ruined.
   Martin Yan
3. Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.
   Julia Child
4. So when I do Chinese cooking, I mix everything together, then the kids have to eat their vegetables. They won’t have the patience to pick them out.
   Martin Yan
   
5. Enough people have now mentioned Bill Nye the Science Guy to me that I now desperately avoid it all costs.
   Alton Brown
6. In general I love to eat anything. I enjoy anything that is well prepared, a good spaghetti, lasagna, taco, steak, sushi, refried beans.
   Martin Yan
7. In department stores, so much kitchen equipment is bought indiscriminately by people who just come in for men’s underwear.
   Julia Child
8. Although I don’t take myself very seriously, I do take my work extraordinarily seriously.
   Alton Brown
   
9. Life itself is the proper binge.
   Julia Child
10. Omit and substitute! That’s how recipes should be written. Please don’t ever get so hung up on published recipes that you forget that you can omit and substitute.
    Jeff Smith
11. Please understand the reason why Chinese vegetables taste so good. It is simple. The Chinese do not cook them, they just threaten them!
    Jeff Smith
12. You know it’s a good recipe if it starts with a stick of butter.
    Paula Deen
13. I love bell peppers. Bell peppers don’t love me
    My Mom, Rest her soul, my greatest culinary idol

Eat, drink and be merry!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

• Leave your comments and you’ll automagically add you to the “Thank you” list. Thanks to Nancy for pointing out the plugin to me!