The opening of any of his shows is enough. the viewer is greeted with a genuinely warm smile and a brief introduction to the flavors of the day, which usually begins as a very subdued introduction, but invariably ends with something along the lines of “This is gonna be great, right! You’re gonna love this!”

I could waste my TT space in this prologue if given a chance, so I’ll finish my thoughts in the afterward, if you don’t mind, and dive right into…

Thirteen things I love about Chef Tyler Florence:

1. I know I usually start my Thursday Thirteens off with a comment about a skinny chef. In Tyler’s case, this is a 50-50 proposition, as we’ve seen his weight fluctuate over his years in front of the camera. This is a man who loves his food, but who is also obviously working on staying fit in the process, and I have no issue with that whatsoever. The fact that he enjoys what he’s preparing is obvious from the time he begins to the tasting. (As of this writing, Chef Tyler has settled into a “comfortably plump” stage, which actually seems to fit him better than being terribly thin.)
   
2. Tyler is just “A Guy”. He’s genuine, and I could imagine walking across the street to my neighbor’s home and finding someone like Mr. Florence standing in the kitchen. He’s not trying to be anything different on camera than he is in “Real Life”, and that would be enough of a reason for me to like him even if I didn’t have others, especially when compared to all the pretentious bobbleheads wandering his network and trying to prove to me that they are something they most definitely-are-not. Tyler is a guy I’d invite over for BBQ and a few beers, and I’m sure that I wouldn’t regret doing so.
3. The man actually values his family. (Note* I’m not saying that some of the bobbleheads don’t value theirs as well. I want to be completely clear on that. I’m sure that they do. I just find it endearing that in his case, they’re mentioned more often than his books.) I knew from interviews and from watching Tyler’s Ultimate on Food TV that he had a definite love for his son, whom he speaks of regularly. But in doing research for this piece, (Yes folks, I do research this stuff!) I stopped by Tyler’s official website at TylerFlorence.com and was quite happily greeted by a photo section that features his family more often than it features his culinary accomplishments, and let’s not forget his Boston Terrier, Jake, who has a gallery of his own. What’s not to love about that! (Note to self, you need to add pictures of your kids and the dog!)
4. Chef Tyler has a wonderful way of taking the mystery out of cooking. All the way through preparation of any dish, Tyler will quite simply and effectively demystify terms a less experienced cook might not be familiar with, such as chiffonade, mirepoix, julienne, or deglaze. He treats these terms as what they are, a word that has become second-nature to experienced cooks, especially those trained in classical French cuisine. For those who may not have heard these terms, he’ll add a description of the process in plain English, with a demonstration and his signature quirky grin.
5. I love any chef who will grab a bag of frozen spinach, look the camera straight in the eye and tell the home viewer that this little bag is “A life saver.” (I would love to quote this episode of How To boil Water, but was unable to find a transcript. If you know of one, please forward it my way, would you?)
6. My wife swears by Tyler’s Ultimate cheesecake. I Loooooooove my wife’s cheesecake. (Which is Tyler’s, Apparently). ‘Nuff Said here…
7. This particular bit came to me in the form of a comment made by my lovely wife. Tyler speaks “Man-Speak”. By that I mean that he takes what he’s explaining and dishes it out in a way that’s not in any way degrading to the male sensibility. You’ll hear comparisons of cooking and gambling, cooking and sports, or cooking and other manly-ish pursuits., but at the same time, he’s not so “Over the top manly” (Think Robert Irvine, whom I also love.) that he puts off female viewers either.
8. Chef Florence brings food home. No matter where he happens to be, or what he’s making, it’s demonstrated in such a way as to make his viewers think “I can do that!”. This my friends is a rare trait in a chef with an honorary doctorate from his Alma Mater, a title I feel he earned in spades. On a side note, Johnson and Wales University and Chef Florence jointly offer the Tyler Florence Scholarship to High School students in the greater Charleston, S.C.area. something to look into if you know a student in the area who loves to cook.
   
9. In case the fact that I’m obviously a pretty staunch fan of Mr. Florence isn’t enough to convince you that he’s more than just a GQ cover model, here’s what another very prominent chef has to say about him
   

   “Tyler Florence demystifies delicious food and adds layers and layers of flavor in simple and exciting ways that remind us, as all Italians already know, that the best meals are truly eaten at home. This book makes cooking at home as easy as take-out and twice as tasty.” – Mario Batali

10. If the Applebee’s menu options bearing his name are any indication of what this man makes, I would have been sold right there. (I wonder if those menu items will continue now that they’ve been bought out by IHOP?)
11. Tyler’s flavor combinations have always left me happily surprised. On the episode of Tyler’s Ultimate that I watched today on Video On Demand, he topped his Ultimate Cheeseburger with rosemary bacon. There’s something I would never have thought of on my own, though it is on my list of things to try in the very near future.
12. The Kid-in-the-candy-store-look. You know, the look Chef florence gets when he’s about to dive in and make something he really enjoys. It’s an amazing testament to his love of food. He also sports this look when he’s just about to do something a little bit mischievous, something Tyler is pretty prone to doing.
13. Last, but certainly not least for this little tribute. The Guy Just Makes Darn-Good Food. It’s not pretentious or over-the-top, nor does it usually contain too many ingredients that any serious cook wouldn’t have around, or at least have ready access to. His recipes can be recreated by almost any home cook with no need for a degree in culinary studies, and watching him is generally a pleasure. Kudos to Food Network for leaving at least one of their most charismatic and effective chefs on Television. (Unlike Mario, who was demoted to pop-culture kitch, even though Malto Mario recieved some of the highest accolades on their network.)

There you have it folks. Thirteen of the reasons I’m still quite happy to tune in to Tyler’s Ultimate, or to catch reruns of “How to boil water” or” Food 911″. The incomparable Chef Tyler Florence is one of my culinary idols because of his cuisine, and even moreso because he’d wear blue jeans to a formal if he had the chance.

Be sure to tune in to Food Network, and try to miss the bobbleheads, but do… DO! Catch Tyler Florence.

Next weeks installment of the Thursday Thirteen, CbsoP! style, will focus once again on bobblehead brigade, so stay tuned!

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You’ll note that I’m alternating my TT’s on the Food Network stable of Celebs. I will continue switching between those I like and those I find to be a complete waste of time and resources until I run out of one or the other. This week’s topic is the latter.

This week’s Thursday Thirteen continues my opinions about Food network’s stable of bobbleheaded food assemblers. Note I do not call this woman a chef. I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a cook. No one on Food Network annoys me as quickly or causes a dose of nausea as quickly as Food TV’s Sandra lee, a.k.a “Aunt Sandy” and “Auntie Slop”.

Unlike some of the other bobbleheads, Sandra Lee doesn’t even manage to lend any significant skill to her work. (And while I may find Giada DeLaurentis annoying ass H@ll, I’ll be the first to admit she’s a very good cook!) Watching her program is somewhat akin to coming out of a three day drinking binge to a killer hangover and attempting to treat it with shots of NyQuell mixed with a shot of Jägermeister, and all the nausea that one would expect from that combination.

So here we go. Thirteen things I can’t stand about Sandra Lee

1. The old rule about never trusting a skinny chef doesn’t even begin to cover this woman. Sandra stopped being skinny and moved into the world of anorexic a long while back. This is most likely because her primary source of dietary nutrition comes from her cocktails, not the absolute slop she unleashes upon unsuspecting housewives everywhere.
   
2. Sandra’s vocal rhythm is totally grating. The best comparison I can give is that she must be the bastard child of William Shatner and a high-school cheerleader named “Bambi”.
   
3. Sandra is the epitome of cheesy New Money. I would not at all be surprised to see her walk into a room and greet her host with: “Donna Darrrrr-ling! Kiss-Kiss! How are you!” (Gaag!)
   
4. The very idea that the “Semi Homemade” concept is Sandra’s and Sandra’s Alone is not only a complete fallacy, it’s outright megalomania. I don’t know how you grew up, but my mother constantly added fresh ingredients to sore-bought items, both to come up with something different, and to stretch those ingredients enough to feed her family. The same went for parties, where our antipasto trays were 100% store-bought, and 100% hand prepared, but I guarantee there was a sour-cream dressing packet used somewhere!
5. Sandra loves to refer to herself as “Aunt Sandy” when talking about her nieces and nephews, which should be a wonderful thing, but sounds just slightly creepy when she’s whipping up a kids menu that almost invariably involves something that could injure a child if they weren’t supervised very, very carefully. And I’m not trusting her to do the monitoring, especially since the menu generally involves an “adult cocktail” for Aunt Sandy, so that she can remain oblivious to that annoying thing everyone else calls “reality”
6. While other chefs try to describe the flavors of their food with terms like “smoky, buttery, nutty and tart”, Sandra prefers to use a more down to earth method of non-description. In just one episode you’ll get to experience the thrills and chills that come along with such descriptive flavor terms as “Yummy, Nummy, Ooooh,-Yum! and Fantastic”. I mean, it really gets you into the mood for canned something or other covered in prepackaged instant something-else, doesn’t it?
7. Does anyone in the world follow Sandra’s lead by redecorating their entire home for each and every gathering? For each episode of Semi-Homemade cooking, her studio kitchen is completely color coordinated to match whatever her inspiration for the show happened to be that day, and Aunt Sandy arrives dressed in completely matching attire, as though she’s trying to camouflage herself so as not to be seen against the barrage of overpriced baubles that overflow the entire set.
8. I honestly believe Sandra Lee walks through her entire day in a drunken haze. On each and every episode, her viewers will go to the last commercial with this bobblehead’s mating call of: “And when we come back, it’s my favorite time of the day, It’s cocktail time!” And when I say cocktail, I’m not talking about your run of the mill girly-girl drink that you would expect from this vacuum-powered blond. These drinks would put a full grown man under a table in a snap, with ingredients lists that read something like “A half bottle of vodka, a half bottle of rum, and a splash of orange juice”. (Whatwasshat, Shandra? <Uuuuuuuurp!>.)
9. Sandra’s opening catchphrase is “Welcome to Semi-Homemade, Where everything is quick and everything is easy.” What she should have said was “If you don’t feel like the people you’re cooking for are worth your time, try this! they’ll never come back again.”
10. Tablescape. I’ll never be able to hear that word again without feeling a bit nauseous. I’m not sure what kind of budget Miss Slop thinks the rest of us have, but I personally am not going to spend somewhere close to $400.00 on table decorations for a single party. Of course, I’ll give her credit for the effort, but to quote Dolly Parton, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap”
11. Sandra stated in a Food network interview that she attended culinary school, but became frustrated when she realized that you could buy everything they were teaching her to make from scratch right in the grocery store. The interview did not state whether she completed her culinary training, but I’m going to have to assume that she decided Knorr and Lipton Mixes were the better alternative to culinary success, since she seems to have little or no culinary knowledge whatsoever. (Case in point, describing Gorgonzola as “like a bleu cheese”… Ummmmm, Sandy, Gorgonzola is a bleu cheese.)
12. Sandra does have a talent, however. She’s mastered the art of bouncing her head off of her shoulders when speaking in true “dumb blond” fashion. (We’re back to that bastard child thing). I’m sure she thinks that it makes her look cute, what with her “I’m just a girl from the Midwest in my Mary-Ann braids” demeanor, but it actually comes across like she has a rather serious tick that should be treated before someone gets injured.
13. Lastly, but certainly not the least of the reasons I can’t stand this woman. Sandra actually buys into this “semi-homemade” philosophy as though the rest of the world is missing something if they don’t take the time to learn the proper way to do something before diving in and finding shortcuts! I’m not against grabbing a box of Zaterains out of the pantry and having some dirty rice from a mix (with sausage added, thank-you-very-much!), it’s good, and I didn’t have to slave over it while I was slaving over the main course, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to figure it out for myself as well!

In conclusion, Sandra Lee is simply another symptom of Food Network’s newfound belief that America doesn’t actually want to have to LEARN ANYTHING to find culinary bliss, a fact that is sadly evident in recent choices like the cancellation of Molto Mario and other “stand up” cooking shows. Apparently they think we’d rather “keep it simple, keep it stunning, and always… keep it Semi-Homemade.”

Not this kid. I’ll take my reruns of Mario on Fine Living, Thank you.

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