Blog Events

Thirteen terms I use that sound foreign to everyone else.

By Jerry ⋅ June 4, 2008 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

Techno-babble.  We’ve heard it used when referring to Star Trek and Star Wars, but did you know that every industry has its own form of techno-speak?  Most often these are words that are used among just people in the industry and we understand them just fine.  It’s when they’re used among “civilians” or the “uninitiated” that we either sound like geniuses or complete idiots.

As a professional web developer for over 16 years, I have acquired a large collection of terms and phrases that most people in their right minds have absolutely no desire to understand.  The following list contains some of those terms. (And alterneately, the terms I use to describe the issue to the client when necessary.)

1. Borked: This is a common term among developers.  In short, it means that something isn’t working right. (”Dude, your code just borked!”)
2. Stuffed or Stuffed Up: Similar to borked, but usually referring to software that has begun to respond slowly due to a programmer error. (These errors usually result due to lack of Mountain Dew, Dorito’s or Stale Coffee.  A lack of any of which can bork a project in minutes).
3. Buffer Overrun: This is what happens when too much information gets passed to a buffer, or storage section in memory.  In short, it means that something went terribly wrong and the computer or software can’t keep up any longer. (Described to the client as a “hiccup in the process”)
4. Endless Loop: This happens when a piece of software never stops processing something, generally because the programmer has made an error, but at times because things have simply borked pretty hard.  Can cause Buffer Overruns, and always stuffs things up.
5. Session: A method of making web based software remember who you are for a few seconds, minutes or hours. It’s the only way your shopping experience at Amazon can work, since web pages simply don’t remember you past giving you the page or picture you asked for.  Think of it as kind of an ID card for the server.  Can bork or stuff easily.
6. Scrape: The act of “borrowing” the content of another website for your own.  Also referred to as stealing.  No actual damage to skin or soft tissue is involved. (Explained to clients as “corporate Espionage”), Has a tendancy to get noticed, which can bork up your whole day.
7. CSS: (Short for Cascading Style Sheet) These are the files that make websites look like more than just a collection of text on a screen.  CSS files often get borked, usually due to programmer error, but sometimes because your web browser manufacturer decided to change something without asking the thousands of us who have to work hard to make this stuff look and act nicely to human beings.
8. DB: Database.  A method of storing information in related tables that give programmers both a feeling of giddy and nearly sexual excitement and soe of the most profound nightmares they will ever face in their careers.  DB connections are generally the first things to get stuffed, bork often and have been known to cause endless loops and buffer overruns.
9. ADODB: A method of connecting to a DB.  Used primarily on Windows based machines.  This method of connection was concieved by bill Gates to bring programmers to their knees so that he could hire them more cheaply.  Also one of the primary reasons most web developers use Linux.
10. Elegant: Though this may sound simple, in the programmer’s world elegant does not stand for a person or thing who has attained beauty through simplicity.  It refers to a method of coding that is simple to read and uses the fewest lines of code (or directives) as is humanly possible, while still achieving a relatively high performance in processing.  (Explained to the client as “Expensive”)
11. Brute Force: Unlike elegant programming, Brute force programming relies on as many lines of code as it takes, is generally harder than H@LL to read through and can give people cataracts.  It is almost always faster and more efficient in the end than elegant code and tends to be immune to getting stuffed, but may cause endless loops in development. (explained to the client as “Reasonable”)
12. FUBAR or FOOBAR: This term or phrase is the most commonly used among computer geeks like myself.  In a nutshell, it stands for F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition. This is the common state of most code after several all-nighters.
13. SNAFU: This term ws actually borrowed from the Military, primarily the Navy and Marines, and stands for situation Normal, All F**ked Up. The standard state of the Internet, programming and the web as we know it today.

I hope you learned something, or at lest had a laugh.  I’m going to go make sure that everything around here is going as it should and get to a little food posting.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

• Share the love!
  
  • Bloglines
  • Blogmarks
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati