| Thirteen Things about food Network’s Aunt Sandy
 
You’ll note that I’m alternating my TT’s on the Food Network stable of Celebs. I will continue switching between those I like and those I find to be a complete waste of time and resources until I run out of one or the other. This week’s topic is the latter.
This week’s Thursday Thirteen continues my opinions about Food network’s stable of bobbleheaded food assemblers. Note I do not call this woman a chef. I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a cook. No one on Food Network annoys me as quickly or causes a dose of nausea as quickly as Food TV’s Sandra lee, a.k.a “Aunt Sandy” and “Auntie Slop”.
Unlike some of the other bobbleheads, Sandra Lee doesn’t even manage to lend any significant skill to her work. (And while I may find Giada DeLaurentis annoying ass H@ll, I’ll be the first to admit she’s a very good cook!) Watching her program is somewhat akin to coming out of a three day drinking binge to a killer hangover and attempting to treat it with shots of NyQuell mixed with a shot of Jägermeister, and all the nausea that one would expect from that combination.
So here we go. Thirteen things I can’t stand about Sandra Lee
- The old rule about never trusting a skinny chef doesn’t even begin to cover this woman. Sandra stopped being skinny and moved into the world of anorexic a long while back. This is most likely because her primary source of dietary nutrition comes from her cocktails, not the absolute slop she unleashes upon unsuspecting housewives everywhere.
- Sandra’s vocal rhythm is totally grating. The best comparison I can give is that she must be the bastard child of William Shatner and a high-school cheerleader named “Bambi”.
- Sandra is the epitome of cheesy New Money. I would not at all be surprised to see her walk into a room and greet her host with: “Donna Darrrrr-ling! Kiss-Kiss! How are you!” (Gaag!)
- The very idea that the “Semi Homemade” concept is Sandra’s and Sandra’s Alone is not only a complete fallacy, it’s outright megalomania. I don’t know how you grew up, but my mother constantly added fresh ingredients to sore-bought items, both to come up with something different, and to stretch those ingredients enough to feed her family. The same went for parties, where our antipasto trays were 100% store-bought, and 100% hand prepared, but I guarantee there was a sour-cream dressing packet used somewhere!
- Sandra loves to refer to herself as “Aunt Sandy” when talking about her nieces and nephews, which should be a wonderful thing, but sounds just slightly creepy when she’s whipping up a kids menu that almost invariably involves something that could injure a child if they weren’t supervised very, very carefully. And I’m not trusting her to do the monitoring, especially since the menu generally involves an “adult cocktail” for Aunt Sandy, so that she can remain oblivious to that annoying thing everyone else calls “reality”
- While other chefs try to describe the flavors of their food with terms like “smoky, buttery, nutty and tart”, Sandra prefers to use a more down to earth method of non-description. In just one episode you’ll get to experience the thrills and chills that come along with such descriptive flavor terms as “Yummy, Nummy, Ooooh,-Yum! and Fantastic”. I mean, it really gets you into the mood for canned something or other covered in prepackaged instant something-else, doesn’t it?
- Does anyone in the world follow Sandra’s lead by redecorating their entire home for each and every gathering? For each episode of Semi-Homemade cooking, her studio kitchen is completely color coordinated to match whatever her inspiration for the show happened to be that day, and Aunt Sandy arrives dressed in completely matching attire, as though she’s trying to camouflage herself so as not to be seen against the barrage of overpriced baubles that overflow the entire set.
- I honestly believe Sandra Lee walks through her entire day in a drunken haze. On each and every episode, her viewers will go to the last commercial with this bobblehead’s mating call of: “And when we come back, it’s my favorite time of the day, It’s cocktail time!” And when I say cocktail, I’m not talking about your run of the mill girly-girl drink that you would expect from this vacuum-powered blond. These drinks would put a full grown man under a table in a snap, with ingredients lists that read something like “A half bottle of vodka, a half bottle of rum, and a splash of orange juice”. (Whatwasshat, Shandra? <Uuuuuuuurp!>.)
- Sandra’s opening catchphrase is “Welcome to Semi-Homemade, Where everything is quick and everything is easy.” What she should have said was “If you don’t feel like the people you’re cooking for are worth your time, try this! they’ll never come back again.”
- Tablescape. I’ll never be able to hear that word again without feeling a bit nauseous. I’m not sure what kind of budget Miss Slop thinks the rest of us have, but I personally am not going to spend somewhere close to $400.00 on table decorations for a single party. Of course, I’ll give her credit for the effort, but to quote Dolly Parton, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap”
- Sandra stated in a Food network interview that she attended culinary school, but became frustrated when she realized that you could buy everything they were teaching her to make from scratch right in the grocery store. The interview did not state whether she completed her culinary training, but I’m going to have to assume that she decided Knorr and Lipton Mixes were the better alternative to culinary success, since she seems to have little or no culinary knowledge whatsoever. (Case in point, describing Gorgonzola as “like a bleu cheese”… Ummmmm, Sandy, Gorgonzola is a bleu cheese.)
- Sandra does have a talent, however. She’s mastered the art of bouncing her head off of her shoulders when speaking in true “dumb blond” fashion. (We’re back to that bastard child thing). I’m sure she thinks that it makes her look cute, what with her “I’m just a girl from the Midwest in my Mary-Ann braids” demeanor, but it actually comes across like she has a rather serious tick that should be treated before someone gets injured.
- Lastly, but certainly not the least of the reasons I can’t stand this woman. Sandra actually buys into this “semi-homemade” philosophy as though the rest of the world is missing something if they don’t take the time to learn the proper way to do something before diving in and finding shortcuts! I’m not against grabbing a box of Zaterains out of the pantry and having some dirty rice from a mix (with sausage added, thank-you-very-much!), it’s good, and I didn’t have to slave over it while I was slaving over the main course, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to figure it out for myself as well!
In conclusion, Sandra Lee is simply another symptom of Food Network’s newfound belief that America doesn’t actually want to have to LEARN ANYTHING to find culinary bliss, a fact that is sadly evident in recent choices like the cancellation of Molto Mario and other “stand up” cooking shows. Apparently they think we’d rather “keep it simple, keep it stunning, and always… keep it Semi-Homemade.”
Not this kid. I’ll take my reruns of Mario on Fine Living, Thank you.
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
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I never thought about that in regards to a skinny chef before, but makes sense .. lol! Happy TT.
I was reading in the paper the other day how several of the chef/cooks/food TV presenters who havn’t had a lot of air time in the UK in the last few years are set to make a come back with and are banking on the “Semi Homemade” thing because the current selection of TV chefs are too complicated. As far as I’m concerned the reason this “old guard” stopped getting shows was they’d dominated for years and become stale and their obsession with quick food had become dull. Now they are coming back by telling us how to do what we can figure out for ourselves? Wow great just what I don’t want to watch. I want some shows that are entertaining where they do stuff I’ll never do and some where they do something I will but I wouldn’t have thought of – like a baked version of a samosa I saw last week that was inspired. Oops I seem to have gone on somewhat longer than I ment ;-)
Great list. There’s a reason I don’t watch TV Chef’s. I’ve got a recipe book that I trust, if it’s not in there, it’s not worth making. Heck, this book even has recipes for bugs and Kangaroo!
God! You are my hero! :D
I guhoofed (laughed hard) when I read the Giada post “crunsh” “Motzarellia” “skinny chef”. Now I read the boozy “Aunty Sandy” post.
I thought I was the only one who thought this stuff! I LOVE not being alone.
I DO love Alton Brown of “Good Eats”, though! (I also LOVE Iron Chef America, because we can see Mr. Batali. )
Who’s next, EMERIL?
I don’t have cable so I haven’t heard of her. Happy TT.
But how do you really feel about Sandy?
Seriously, I don’t watch cooking shows often, but now I just want to see how annoying this chick really is. Thanks for the list, I will have to watch for all of them.
I couldn’t single her out from the other 2 blondes in this “faux cook” catagory until you said Semi-Homemade – NOW I know which one she is. Yes, she is uttery annoying, I’m sorry to say. Feels like a Pampered Chef demo party – every single episode.
So true about trusting a skinny chef!
Happy TT!
While I agreed with your post about Giada and Paula, I disagree with you on this one in part. I do find Sandra Lee annoying, and the thing about the cocktails is true. But since I am not a good cook and don’t like to take the time, I do find some of her short cuts interesting and helpful. But the thing about is a skinny cook is true too. Happy Thursday!
She is annoying as all get out, but she did complete her culinary training at the Cordon Bleu in Paris.
Loved it, loved it, loved it! I can’t stand the way her set always matches everything else! Have you read Anthony Bourdain’s Cooks Tour? I love how he describes working for the Food Network in his introduction!
Keep these great posts coming.
Great list. I can’t stand Sandra Lee, who wants to watch a 30 min show about how to open a can or a box? #8 made me laugh so hard I about peed my pants, thanks!
Whoa. I haven’t seen her yet and now I’m definitely going to spare myself the experience. Thanks for saving me on this one!
She drives me nuts. I never watch her….. I have to feed a family of five every night I got the semi-homeade trick down pat.
That cooking reality show bugs me, too. The one on Bravo. I can’t believe they have that long to cook and they make things that look so gross. And, the judges hate it. I wish they would have a challenge against someone who cooks everyday for their family and has it done under an hour. I would watch that episode.
DAAAAAAAAAMN! Ouch… what a way to be diss’ed…… Hope I never get that kind of treatment….
these are pretty funny! I don’t usually watch her…but I might have to watch one just to get the full effect of what is so annoying about her.
Wow, Often I am bummed about not having cable, and therefor, I don’t get the Food Channel. This series of post is making me feel much better about it!
All true. I wonder if she’s available?
Biggles
Hysterical, Jerry! I agree with each and every one! =)
xoxo
I believe we must be related. If you aren’t my cousin-daddy, who are you?
For the record, I’ve never watched the anorexic bitch, but surely it’s plain that she is Ann Coulter. (You’ve never seen them in the same room together. )
Keep up the good work, displaced Southern Bro.
Her show is like a sugar mint… I know it is going to be to sweet before I even put it in my mouth.
Make that a sugar mint, with a fabulous mint julep cocktail, as I stand in my mint colored apron with mint sprigs in my hair.
I hate Sandra as much as you but
“Gorgonzola is LIKE a bleu cheese”
Bleu cheese is a french cheese where mold is allowed to enter the wheel. Gorgonzola is italian, but is a similar style.
Yeah … but she’s SOOOO f’ing hot. That negates every single item on your list. It’s a tv show people … lighten up. This is not culinary excellence. It’s fun.
You forgot the ubiquitous “thick ‘n’ rich ‘n’ delicious!”.
Nancy Liedel – Just to clarify: she did not graduate from any culinary school, and she did not attend the Cordon Bleu Paris. She took a 2-week course at the Cordon Bleu in Ottowa, and quit after a few days. As in the kind of course where you’re showing off the fact you can afford to go take a class at the Cordon Bleu, not the kind of courses where you graduate and plan to work in the culinary field.
It’s easy to see she has no culinary training at all, since she 1) doesn’t know how to use a knife properly and 2) is incapable of making recipes that work and taste good.
Sandra is another one of the Food Network’s ‘Cooking with Cleavage’ hostesses. Sandra, Giada and the new Latina, Ingrid Hoffman. I wonder what their focus groups are telling them — more boobs!
Who would eat that food? Some people would, yes many would. Food network has some good stuff, I just like the shows that one may actually learn something. Flay is good. I’d rather watch shows on other channels with good cooks. They have Whored themselves to ratings with that RR crap.
Right on! Sandra Lee is an abomination. I must say I died a little inside during the episode where she took the most gorgeous crown roast of lamb and seasoned with INSTANT RANCH DRESSING….horror or horrors.
I totally agree. This show is actually on right now. -_- I LOVE that you think she’s just a creepy, skinny alcoholic too. She will race through all of the “food” preparation to get to cocktail time. And the cocktails ARE very strong, you’re right… I will admit they are the best part of the show though. Much better than the dollar store decorations and nasty slop she calls food. For goodness sake, the woman just poured chili on top of frozen fries… WTF?? Time for cocktails!
I so enjoyed reading your 13. Found your site via Cassandra Crossing, a proboards forum that was born out of the implosion of the Food TV discussion boards. It’s become quite varied since then but there is still much food discussion. We all agree that Shamdra Lee belongs on Food TV as much as Idi Amin. She knows nothing about cooking or entertaining. Her concoctions of chemical-laden crap are the stuff of foodie legend. I’ll be bookmarking your site and am so glad the word is being spread about this culinary menace. More power to ya and if I can lend a keyboard or voice, just say the word.
Chiffonade
I watched one of Sandra Lee’s recent show’s which floored me when I saw she was drunk and forgot to sober up before the show. She was making so many mistakes and her voice was more strange then from some of her other shows. One of her eyes were half closed (just as you would imagine a drunk would look like in a bar). It was obvious she was having difficulties. It started to make me laugh and wondered why the food network keeps her on. The list I read above is so right on.
Of all the xcathing commentaries about Lee, this one is the best I’ve read. Just came across something today about her memoir coming out in November. Ironically it’s called something like “Made from Scracth.’
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Nobody has mentioned her boobs! They are waaaaaaay down low. That girl needs a good bra! The cocktails are getting so old! Her kiddie cocktails especially. What is that teaching kids?…..time for a cocktail!
laughing….so…..hard…..
*hiccup*
heybrah Said:
“I wonder what their focus groups are telling them — more boobs!”
I agree…they want more boobs…like booby flay…everyone on the next network star…ingrid hoffman…and never to forget the wonderful and exciting duo, dweezil and lisa.
Also, lets not forget the head no talent boob…rachel raytard.
My favorite Bourdain assessment of aunt sandy….”describing her as “Betty Crocker after a weekend of huffing crack”
This hack did not attend Cordon Bleu in Paris. She attended a two week cousre of an affilliate school in Canada ony to drop out after a couple of days. This woman is evil!.
I think you hit the nail on the head, lol. If i had to guess i would have to say that here niece and nephew are the only ones that can stand to be around here.No talent there
The ultimate for me was running across a shelf full of her cookbooks in Barnes & Noble. There’s one called ‘Semi-Homemade Grilling’. That hurts my brain to even consider what would be in it.
From what I just read…Delia Smith is now embracing semi-homemade…
j
She could have at least attended for the full two weeks, or even went to Cordon Bleu in Paris to at least learn the basics of cooking. Instead she started taking shortcuts right away. I guess she must have slept with the right people. Some of her “ideas”, aren’t bad, but she’s not a chef like Giada or Tyler, or even a good cook like Paula or Nigella. I don’t know what she is. She doesn’t make recipes; she makes ideas…
Thanks for steering me to this one. A belly laugh early on a Sunday morning is all good. The thing that made me finally know who this person is is the color coordinated kitchen. I’ve seen it once or twice while channel surfing and stopped long enough to wonder what was up with the red kitchen. EVERYTHING was red. And the next time, it was completely different. I couldn’t get past that long enough to listen to her talk about food so now I understand everyone’s attitude. Hilarious!
THE FOOD NETWORK IS DEAD! Sandra Lee has destroyed the last of the culinary dreams of housewives everywhere and sent it straight into the depths of hell! She represents everything that has gone horribly wrong with the food network — that and the Cakes that Look like Elvis Contests!!
They can’t even copy Top Chef competently, there must be a bunch of Yes Men working for the Food Network, because they are OUT of ideas.
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