1. There’s an old rule that states “Never trust a skinny chef.” – Ummmm, nuff said.  Bulimia is not attractive. The only other skinny cook on FoodTV is Sandra Lee, and I think “Aunt Sandy” needs to be sent back to cooking school, with her coctail ingredients safely packed away somewhere else. (Or simply be stoned out of the studio. Perhaps we should just put them both in a room with Tony Bourdain and Mario Batali for a few hours. That should solve the problem.)
2. Is Giada human, or an animatronic bobblehead?  (One theory suggests she’s a time-traveling chef from the distant future.)
   
3. Her makeup costs more per episode than the house she rents for three months out of the year. (I wonder where the family that lives there goes for those three months?)
   
4. If I hear “…it adds that perfect little crunch…” (with emphasis on making sure that the “ch” in crunch sounds a lot more like “sh”) One… More… Friggin’… Time… I’m going to hurl.
5. I can’t stand the fact that she compares absolutely everything she tastes to Italian food! Today’s case in point, prosciutto wrapped carrots with basil. It sounded good to me until she called them “Italian Spring Rolls”. Whoops! Lost interest. Then of course there was the chicken fried steak incident… I can’t finish, it’s too painful
   
6. I really don’t care how well endowed Giada or her wardrobe people think she is. I absolutely don’t think it’s necessary to forcefully have her cleavage displayed in each and every closeup.
7. Is there a reason that the only time Giada has any trace of an Italian accent it’s when she uses Italian Cooking Terms (i.e. Spaghetti, mozzarella, pancetta and oregano. Funny thing is, she doesn’t have any accent at all when she says Parmesan…) It’s just annoying, Does anyone honestly expect us to believe that the only traces of her accent that aren’t strictly 90210 have to do with food?!?
8. She never has anything but a perfect manicure. What happens if she nicks a nail with one of her vast array of different (hence unfamiliar) knives, which we must assume are all razor sharp? Do they stop production while she runs down and has a new fill done?
9. Her description of food flavors seems to have come out of a book written by a Klingon chef. I use Italian parsley regularly, but I’ve never found it to be “lemony” in the slightest. And why is every cheese she loves “buttery” or “buttery and salty”? Don’t the Italians produce a cheese that’s cheesy? I mean really, God forbid she use a California cheese and not compare it to something from Sicily.
10. That absolutely plastic smile of hers bears great resemblance to the Barbie doll at the end of Toy Story II. (…”Are they gone? Are they all gone? Okay. Can I stop smiling now? Oh good, my face hurts…  I think I need to take a break!”…)
11. “Crust” is not the proper description for the surface of every food ever made.
12. I don’t know about you,but I can’t believe something is “the best thing” she’s ever tasted on every episode.  you’d think sooner or later that one or two things would be “nearly the best” thing she’s ever tasted.
13. I’ve read that she comes across as “down to earth” and “grounded”, but for my money she comes across as though she feel she is at least slightly more important than the people around her.  I though I was going to scream when I heard her tell JAG (a contestant on the current Food Network Star) that if he had any demons left over from serving in the Marine Corps, he needed to face them!  I’m sorry, I haven’t seen Giada’s psychotherapy degree.  I also haven’t seen any active duty discharge papers.  If you haven’t been there, you cannot possibly understand, and the comment was out of line.

If you’re a Giada fan, I’m sure you’re not too happy with me right now, but these are only my opinions.  You are free to watch Ms. DeLaurntis on the Food Network if you choose.  As for my wife and myself, we just switch to Fine Living or HGTV for the space of her show.Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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